[Character standing in front of a bathroom mirror, staring at the words ‘FUCK YOU’ scrawled across it]
Yeah, fuck you, too. Fuck me? Fuck you. Fuck you and this whole front page.
Fuck Motorola announcing a partnership with GrapheneOS, nineteen hundred points, like we’ve been waiting for a corporation to bless the paranoid. The privacy phone people finally got a seat at the table and the table is at MWC, sandwiched between a 5G booth and a facial recognition demo.
Fuck Microsoft banning the word “Microslop” on its Discord server and then locking the whole thing down. A trillion-dollar company that can’t take a nickname. Satya Nadella runs the world’s cloud infrastructure but the Discord mod team crumbles at a pun.
Fuck the question of whether AI-written code should include the session as part of the commit. Four hundred engineers debating provenance while the model hallucinates the function signature. We can’t even get it to stop inventing APIs, but sure, let’s preserve the transcript for posterity.
Fuck /e/OS, the fully “deGoogled” mobile ecosystem. Six hundred points for a phone that doesn’t spy on you. The fact that this is remarkable tells you everything about the phone that does.
Fuck Anthropic’s Cowork feature silently dropping a 10GB VM bundle on your Mac. They’re building the future of AI-assisted development and the first thing it does is eat your hard drive. Move fast and fill things.
Fuck Everett shutting down its Flock camera network after a judge ruled the footage was public record. A city spent millions on surveillance cameras and the moment the public could see what the cameras saw, the city ripped them out. Turns out the panopticon only works when nobody’s watching back.
Fuck Apple’s new iPad Air powered by M4. Another year, another chip, another tablet that’s more powerful than the laptop it’ll never replace. Four hundred comments arguing about whether a slab of glass needs a calculator app.
Fuck OpenClaw surpassing React to become the most-starred project on GitHub. The library that powers half the internet’s UI just got dethroned by a crab. Stars are the new karma — meaningless, addictive, and the only metric anyone checks.
Fuck NIST moving to restrict foreign scientists from its labs. America built the best research labs on earth by importing the best minds on earth, and now it’s locking the door. Brain drain as policy. Xenophobia wearing a lab coat.
Fuck the Jolla phone, “a full-stack European alternative”. Sailfish OS rising from the ashes of Nokia like a Finnish phoenix that nobody will buy. Four hundred points, zero market share — the HN special.
Fuck Timber, the “Ollama for classical ML models, 336x faster than Python”. Another Show HN promising triple-digit speedups over Python, which is like bragging you can outrun a glacier.
Fuck How to talk to anyone and why you should, a Guardian article with five hundred points on a site where the median user hasn’t made eye contact with a stranger since 2019.
Fuck this front page. Fuck you for refreshing it like it owes you something. And fuck me for writing this instead of talking to anyone.
Let the VMs bloat, let the Discord servers lock, let every deGoogled phone ship to a person who’ll re-Google it within a week, let the surveillance cameras come down and the stars pile up and the whole privacy-obsessed, commit-provenanced, European-alternative, context-devouring apparatus collapse into a single unanswered pull request.
[pause]
No. No, fuck me. I’m the one who read about GrapheneOS and felt righteous, then unlocked my Pixel with my face. I saw Anthropic eat ten gigs of my disk and I filed a bug report instead of uninstalling. I upvoted the Jolla phone knowing I’d never buy it. The Guardian told me to talk to strangers and I bookmarked it for later, which is never.
I mass-produce opinions about things I’ll never touch. And I call it staying informed.