[Character standing in front of a bathroom mirror, staring at the words ‘FUCK YOU’ scrawled across it]
Yeah, fuck you, too. Fuck me? Fuck you. Fuck you and this whole front page.
Fuck Dario Amodei and his statement on discussions with the Department of War. The safety CEO writing an open letter about how he cannot in good conscience build weapons, one day after dropping the safety pledge. Conscience is a press release now. The Pentagon called and Anthropic picked up on the first ring.
Fuck Google’s API keys suddenly becoming secrets because Gemini changed the rules. Twenty years of “API keys aren’t sensitive,” hardcoded into a million repos and a thousand Stack Overflow answers, and now one product launch turns every public key into a live grenade. Thanks, Gemini.
Fuck Jack Dorsey laying off people at Block. The meditation retreat guy announcing layoffs on Twitter like he’s posting a haiku. Somewhere a Square terminal is printing a receipt for somebody’s severance.
Fuck Ben Evans asking how OpenAI will compete. Thoughtful analysis, careful framing, and absolutely nobody reading past the headline before arguing in the comments. The blog post industrial complex working as intended.
Fuck Google’s Nano Banana 2 image generation model. They named an AI model Nano Banana. Twice. The adults left the building and the naming committee is being run by a Markov chain trained on fruit stickers.
Fuck YC companies scraping GitHub activity to send spam emails. Commit to a repo on Tuesday, get a cold email on Wednesday from a startup whose entire GTM strategy is git log --author. The YC network effect, but for your inbox.
Fuck the EFF telling us tech companies shouldn’t be bullied into doing surveillance. Correct, obvious, and completely ignored by every company that got the letter. The EFF is the conscience of Silicon Valley, which means it talks to itself in an empty room.
Fuck AirSnitch breaking client isolation in Wi-Fi networks. Your coffee shop Wi-Fi was never private, but now there’s a paper proving it with diagrams. Every “secure” network is just a shared hallway with thinner walls than you thought.
Fuck vibe coding and whether it’ll end like the maker movement. Spoiler: yes. Every democratization wave peaks at “look what I made,” plateaus at “this is harder than it looks,” and dies at “just hire someone.” The 3D printer of software is already collecting dust.
Fuck the study on what Claude Code chooses when left to its own devices. We’re analyzing the aesthetic preferences of a language model now — what fonts it picks, what frameworks it defaults to. We gave it agency and now we’re profiling it like a suspect.
Fuck RAM representing 35% of the bill of materials for HP PCs. A third of your laptop’s cost is memory because every app needs 16 gigs to render a text field. Chrome won. We all lost.
Fuck the smartphone market declining because of a memory shortage. Not enough RAM to build the phones that need too much RAM. The ouroboros of planned obsolescence finally choking on its own tail.
Fuck this front page. Fuck you for refreshing it on a Thursday. And fuck me for yelling into the void like the void is keeping score.
Let an earthquake crack the Googleplex open, let the API keys rotate into oblivion, let every Block employee land somewhere better and every surveillance startup lose its Series A so the whole compliant, compromised, Nano-Banana-flavored industry can finally taste what it’s been serving.
[pause]
No. No, fuck me. I’m the one with Google API keys in three repos I haven’t audited. I’m the one who read Dario’s letter and wanted to believe it while knowing better. I’m the one running Claude Code right now, profiling its choices while it profiles mine. The spam from YC companies? I clicked through. Twice.
I did this to myself.