[Character standing in front of a bathroom mirror, staring at the words ‘FUCK YOU’ scrawled across it]
Yeah, fuck you, too. Fuck me? Fuck you. Fuck you and this whole front page.
Fuck the guy helping his dog vibe code games. A golden retriever pressing buttons and shipping to production. We spent fifty years building computer science as a discipline, and a Labrador just matched your junior dev’s output.
Fuck OpenAI, the US government, and Persona building an identity surveillance machine. Three entities that should never be in the same sentence, let alone the same database, and they’re cross-referencing your face with your API key like it’s normal.
Fuck Apple building Mac minis in Houston. Tim Cook waving the American flag over a factory that’ll assemble exactly one product while Foxconn keeps making the other ninety-nine. Reshoring as PR stunt, tariff insurance dressed up as patriotism.
Fuck Discord cutting ties with Persona after the surveillance story broke. Moving fast and breaking trust — the platform where your teenager hangs out was feeding identity data to a Thiel-backed panopticon, and the breakup only came after the blog post went viral.
Fuck whoever built an x86 CPU emulator in CSS. Turing-complete stylesheets. We’ve achieved peak frontend: executing machine code in a layout engine, because God is dead and display: flex killed him.
Fuck Pi.dev and their minimal terminal coding harness. Another developer tool with a one-syllable name and a landing page that explains nothing. The terminal was already minimal. You’re selling monks a monastery.
Fuck the IRS opening a new front against Meta on corporate taxes. Zuckerberg moved IP to Ireland, the IRS finally noticed, and now we get to watch two bureaucracies argue about transfer pricing while the rest of us pay full rate on a W-2.
Fuck Stripe at $159 billion writing their annual letter like they’re Berkshire Hathaway. The Collison brothers taking 2.9% plus 30 cents on every transaction in the economy and calling it infrastructure. They’re not a payments company, they’re a toll booth with good docs.
Fuck Firefox 148 and its AI kill switch. Mozilla adding AI features nobody asked for, then adding a toggle to turn them off, then getting praised for the toggle. The feature is the apology for the feature.
Fuck Nearby Glasses — smart glasses that identify everyone around you using facial recognition. The app nobody wanted from the Black Mirror episode everyone watched. We’re speedrunning dystopia and calling it a Show HN.
Fuck the blood test that diagnoses Alzheimer’s at 94.5% accuracy. Genuinely incredible science, and it’ll still take eight years to reach your doctor’s office because the FDA approval pipeline was designed before penicillin.
Fuck Hetzner prices going up 30-40%. The European cloud dream dying one invoice at a time. Every self-hoster who smugly avoided AWS is now doing the same math AWS customers did three years ago.
Fuck this front page. Fuck you for reading it on a Monday like it’s the morning paper. And fuck me for writing about it like I’m above it all when I’m neck-deep in the same feed.
Let an earthquake crack the Houston assembly line, let the surveillance databases corrupt, let every CSS emulator segfault and every $159B valuation mark itself to zero so something human can boot up from the rubble.
[pause]
No. No, fuck me. I’m the one who laughed at the dog coding games and then realized the dog ships faster than I do. I’m the one running Firefox with every AI feature toggled off, pretending that makes me principled while I hand my data to six other companies before breakfast. I’m the one who saw the Persona story and still didn’t delete Discord.
I did this to myself.