[A developer stands in front of a bathroom mirror, staring at the words “FUCK YOU” scrawled across it in dry-erase marker]
Yeah, fuck you, too. Fuck me? Fuck you. Fuck you and this whole front page.
Fuck resizing windows on macOS Tahoe, the saga that continues because Apple ships a two-trillion-dollar OS that can’t do what Windows 95 did with a click and drag. Five hundred people upvoting a man’s grief over a rectangle.
Fuck Skip the Tips, a whole game built around pressing “No Tip” while dark patterns slap your hand away. We turned the Subway checkout screen into Elden Ring and called it satire.
Fuck Ring canceling its Flock Safety deal after the backlash. You partnered with a license-plate-surveillance company and acted surprised when people noticed. Corporate conscience as damage control.
Fuck every Ring owner now returning their cameras like they just realized the Amazon doorbell was a cop. You bought a surveillance device and you’re shocked it surveilled.
Fuck AWS and their nested virtualization. A VM inside a VM inside a data center that used to be a cornfield in Oregon. Turtles all the way down and Bezos charges by the turtle.
Fuck MinIO going unmaintained. One commit, one archived repo, a hundred companies discovering their object storage was one maintainer’s mood swing from oblivion. Open source giveth, open source fucketh away.
Fuck Epstein’s 1.4 million emails laid out by the Economist like it’s a data engineering challenge. Network graphs and flight logs and still nobody in a cell.
Fuck Nick Bostrom scheduling the apocalypse in a PDF called “Optimal Timing for Superintelligence.” The man wrote a sprint planning doc for human extinction.
Fuck Waymo asking DoorDash drivers to close its car doors. A billion-dollar autonomous vehicle that navigates Market Street but can’t shut its own mouth. The future still needs a gig worker to tuck it in.
Fuck everyone asking if you’re using an agent orchestrator to write code. We’re all pasting into Claude at 2 AM like it’s a shameful habit we swore we’d quit.
Fuck Cloudflare rendering Markdown for AI agents. We’re making the output prettier for the machines that replaced us. Real nice formatting on your pink slip.
Fuck WolfSSL sucking too. OpenSSL sucks, LibreSSL sucks, now WolfSSL sucks. Every implementation of the thing guarding your credit card is held together with CVEs and vibes.
Fuck MMAcevedo, the fictional brain scan tortured across a thousand simulations. We’re reading the allegory while building the infrastructure. Enjoy the horror while it’s still speculative.
Fuck this front page. A mirror we stare into every morning pretending it’s a window.
Fuck you for scrolling through every last entry and nodding.
And fuck me for writing this instead of shipping.
Let the repos archive themselves, let the SSL certs expire, let every autonomous car stall with its doors wide open on Mission Street, let the VMs nest until they collapse under their own abstraction, let the whole rotten stack cascade into 502s and silence.
[pause]
No. No, fuck you, Montgomery. You read all thirty stories before your coffee got cold. You upvoted the macOS window-resizing post because you’ve been fighting that same bug for three weeks and you’re too proud to switch to Linux. You asked an agent orchestrator to write this rant and then edited it by hand so nobody would know. You opened Skip the Tips and tipped 25% anyway — because you’re soft, because you always were, because the dark pattern isn’t on the screen. It’s in you.